20050629
there are times i wished we had a treadmil. then i can just run all i want, away from all my problems, away from all my fears. i tried to do that with the bicycle, but the effect isn't the same. i simply just can't push past the limits, the boundaries.
is it stress? i don't know... it feels more like fear. fear of being alone, fear of having no one.
maybe because yesterday, i felt my first taste of hostility in school. somehow, people just don't want to sit with me, be in the same group as me, some don't even want to talk to me.
why? is it because i'm fat and ugly? or is it because people think i'm stuck up? well, i'm not. i'm just rather shy, and will not open up until i get the feeling that i can trust someone completely. my personality so far in school has been a mask. covering up my shyness with boldness, lameness, etc.
i don't know anymore... i just want to run away.
edit: i've realised my account in friendster has been hacked. said i'm a lesbian whore and all that rubbish. i don't know, am i really that detestable?
no... this is a test of inner strength and character, and it is a test i will pass with flying colours. i have high self esteem... i MUST have high self esteem. do i care what other people think? why should i? they don't matter to me. i only care about the people close to my heart. that's all. everyone else can go rot in hell.
sorry, i'm really cranky.
Love, lixximajig : 11:05